Ok, with this ridiculously hot yet annoying woman in the news again, it’s time to bust out with the KK sex tape again. First of all, in the spirit of integrity, I should mention that the soon to be divorced Ms. Kardashian annoys the holy ever loving shit out of me. However, I do not believe this effects my feelings on the video because Jessica Drake’s voice drives me up a wall. I have met her on multiple occasions, even attending seminars she has put on. What does this have to do with anything? Even with a voice that sends shivers down my spine like finger nails on a chalk board, I still find her to be one of the greatest and hottest actresses of her day and would follow her to hell and back if she asked. With that said, let’s begin.
Where to begin with the Kardashian film? First of all, if you’re expecting an action filled flick, this is not the one for you. Most of it is of them doing completely ordinary things. And I haven’t even gotten to the vanilla sex yet. Watching them interact with each other at the pool, in hotel rooms, and airports is arguably the most painful thing I have experienced since being kicked in the nuts by a really pissed off ex. Honestly, I think I might have preferred the boot to the nuts over this.
Now on to the sex. Well if you’re the type of guy who likes it when a woman just lays there while you do all the work and pound away, this is probably the film for you. I haven’t seen sex this sad since I peeked into a champagne room and saw a dancer riding away on an octogenarian who had obviously died from a massive coronary some time ago. Honestly, if she hasn’t learned some new tricks by now I can see why her marriage is ending. If I were her husband I wouldn’t have even let it get this far. She’s hot, but come on. At some point in time it doesn’t matter how hot you are. If the only positions you know are missionary and doggy, get the fuck out of my bed. There’s cab fare on the dresser and please don’t call. Ever.
In closing, if you like bland vanilla sex with hot chicks, get this DVD. If not, spend your money on something more productive like a couple lap dances or a masturbator. Both are a better value.
Till the next time.
The Doctor is out.