Sexy Wonders Adult Boutique Blog

Intensity by Jopen

December 20, 2011 • Jenny Talia • No comments

While we’re on the subject of pelvic floor muscles, have you checked out the new Intensity by Jopen?  Ladies if you’re lazy doing your kegels, throw away your Ben Wah balls!  This toy is for you!  You have to see it to believe it!

It comes in a beautiful shade of mauve.  It has an inflatable shaft for the perfect fit.  5 speeds of vibration and 10 levels of pulsating electro-stimulation will give you the most incredible experience ever!

This next generation of sexual wellness works by providing gentle electronic pulses similar to contractions you feel when you orgasm.  Thus making you cum harder and stronger than ever before!  It will give you multiple orgasms with its g-spot and clitoral stimulator.  The pleasure is endless!  The intensity works as a muscle toner tightening your pelvic muscles while at the same time being sexually stimulated.  What more can a girl ask for!

I use the intensity alone or with a partner.  It initiates a great love-making session and brings sparks back into the bedroom every time.

This toy is worth its weight in gold.

See it, feel it, believe IT!

Jenny Talia

In Reviews, Sexual Health • Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hey baby, what’s your number?

December 16, 2011 • The Doctor • No comments

No, I’m not talking about your phone number.  Unless of course you want to send it to me, then by all means, feel free.  If not, I’ll most likely be devastated, yet I’ll survive.  I’m talking about the number of sexual partners you have had.  I came across a study done in England that had some interesting, well I think they are interesting, findings.  While England is not the US, I would be willing to bet that their numbers probably compare with our own.  So here are some of the results of the study:

  1. 27% of men have had 10 or more partners
  2. 13% of women have had 10 or more partners
  3. More than 1 in 4 women between the ages of 16-24 lost their virginity while under the age of consent.
  4. More than 1 in 5 men between the ages of 16-24 lost their virginity while under the age of consent.

Interesting you say?  What can we glean from these figures you ask?  Well in my purely unscientific analysis of the figures provided we can learn the following things:

  1. Women are sluttier at younger ages.
  2. Men become sluttier over all.
  3. I would be considered a serious man whore using the English measurement.

I do find it interesting that women reach their sexual prime later on, yet are more frequently losing their virginity at an earlier age.  I guess this could be due to them maturing at a faster rate.  It could also be the pressure exuded on them by the boys in their life.  It’s hard to tell from such basic numbers.  Honestly, before I read this I would have expected the guys to be the sluttier from start to finish.  As it turns out, I would have been wrong.

What do you think?  How do you stack up?  What is your number?

The Doctor is out.

In Sexual Health • Tagged , , , ,

5 Myths About Sex

December 15, 2011 • George • No comments

I’ve been drawing a blank the past few days on what to write about.  It’s actually been bothering my quite a bit.  I’ve turned to several people asking them for questions about sex.  Most of them returned with ridiculous statements about mustache rides, colostomy bags, and a few comments about is it possible to actually skull fuck somebody.  We can take this one of several ways, I know a lot of immature people, people have no idea what they are doing in bed, or there are a lot of misconceptions about sex.  While it is true I do know a lot of immature people, I’m going to view this as there being a lot of misconception on both sides of the aisle.  So today we are going to address some of them.

1.  The Female Orgasm is a Myth.

Ok guys and gals.  If you really believe that this one is still a myth you need to find your nearest sex therapist and schedule some educational sessions.  Seriously.  If you’re a woman and you believe this, let me first say how sorry I am.  From what my female friends have told me and what I have observed it may be as close to heaven as any mortal can be without dying.  There are many reasons, mentally, emotionally, and physically a woman may not be able to have an orgasm.  If you are a woman who has never had an orgasm, see your doctor, then find a good therapist or sex therapist.

As for the guys who believe it is a myth, I assure you it isn’t.  If you are a guy who has never seen one, I feel sorry for you too.  If you are doing everything properly, there may be a problem with your partner.  However, this is most likely not the case and you need to calm down.  You need to learn to read your partner’s body language during intercourse and forplay.  Especially foreplay.  Trust me, she will exhibit signs no matter how hard she tries to control them.  Look for changes in breathing pattern, increased heart rate, rise in body temperature, arching of the back and curling of the toes.  These are good things!  You want her to be doing these!  It means you’re on the right track.  Plus they are totally involuntary reactions that she can’t control.  It’s the most honest indication that you are on the right path.

To the guys who think their woman has never faked an orgasm, let me know how much the ticket to La La Land was and where you bought it.  Seriously.  Women do not always get off during intercourse.  And many of them feel bad about it so they fake the orgasm to make the man feel better.  While I’m talking about this, women, we can tell.  While not all men are knowledgeable enough to detect a fake orgasm, there are a lot of us that are.  This gets back to the involuntary nature of it.  We can tell.  Especially if we are inside of you.  So if you can’t make your vaginal wall quake like it does during an orgasm, you might want to stop faking.  Faking in the end is of no use to you anyway.  You need to talk to your partner and help guide him to get you off every time.  Trust me, sex will be better.

2.  Men Can’t Fake an Orgasm.

While it is true that it much harder for men to fake an orgasm, it is quite possible with a little help from our old friend Mr. Condom.  How do I know this will work?  I’ve used this trick many times.  Why would I use this trick?  Because women who lay there like a dead fish during sex are boring.  If you aren’t going to put any effort into it why should we?  So if you’re a woman who just lies there like a certain stripper I once dated, I promise you ladies, guys have faked it while wearing condoms.  You didn’t think you were the only ones who could act did you?

3. Baby We Don’t Need a Condom.  I’m (insert race) We’re Immune to (insert STD)

Some of you may have heard this line before.  However, don’t buy into it.  I guess I should clarify a bit.  This line is typically used after one partner confesses to having an incurable STD and the other partner, probably has it too and just doesn’t want to admit it.  No race is immune to any STD.  Period.  If somebody tells you this and you fall for it, you need some help.  If you don’t fall for it, good for you.  If you didn’t leave them for putting you in danger, shame on you.  I was actually good friends with a couple and after they broke up maintained my friendship with both.  One day at Hastings I was talking to the girl and somehow we ended up talking about Herpes.  She confessed she had it and knowing that Tony was allergic to latex (read, “he really isn’t allergic he just hates condoms) I asked her how that worked.  This is when she told me Tony gave her the Sicilians are immune to herpes spiel.  This is actually problematic since he’s actually French and not Sicilian although he does try to convince everybody he is.  It was also problematic for her because she bought it.  When dealing with Herpes it is important to remember that there are 7 different variations of our little friend.  Almost 100% of us are carrying one right now (Chicken Pox), and a percentage that is frighteningly have one or both of the STD versions.  While studies have shown that if you and your partner have the same version of the virus, and have been infected for some time, it is virtually impossible for the two of you to spread it to each other’s bodies.  However, if one has Simplex 1 and the other Simplex 2, it’s another story.  The antibodies your bodies have will not fight off the new version.  So if you have cold sores, your partner could give you genital herpes and a second herpes virus on your face if you aren’t careful.

4.  Blue Balls are Bad for You.

While teasing a guy and not giving him release can cause some discomfort, it is not actually dangerous at all.  It is a bit upsetting.  Teasing is great, but bringing him to the point and then not finishing is kind of mean.  But if you like being mean, as long as I’m not the victim, feel free to do it safe in the knowledge that it isn’t actually doing any physical harm.  If you do plan on making me the victim, don’t be surprised if I decide to finish on my own and shoot for you eyes.

5.  Using Two Condoms Is a Good Idea.

First of all, no matter if you are worried about pregnancy, STDs, or premature ejaculation, NEVER use two condoms.  I don’t care if you are using a male and a female condom, two male condoms, or two female condoms.  Don’t ever do it.  Whatever your reason, you are actually increasing the odds of catastrophic condom failure.  They are not designed to be rubbed up against each other.  No amount of lube will change that.  You run the risk of them pulling each other off, tearing each other, or some combination of the two.  So again, I don’t know who’s brainchild this was, but stop.  Also, plastic foil is not a good substitute for a condom.  For many of the same reasons already listed.  Plus it’s too tight and you might damage your penis.  So seriously, if you are thinking about doing this, for the love of all that is good, don’t.

Well that’s it for today.  Maybe you learned something.  At the very least I hope you were entertained a bit.  If you have heard some other good myths or just have some questions for the Sexperts at Sexy Wonders, comment below or send us an email.  We look forward to hearing from you!  Oh, remember, sharing is sexy, so pass this along.  Please.  ;)

The Doctor is out.

In Sexual Health • Tagged , , , , ,

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

December 13, 2011 • The Doctor • No comments

Ahh…  Christmas is at hand.  How do I know?  Other than Walmart has had their Christmas displays up for 4 months, a local radio station has been playing Christmas music since the day before Thanksgiving, and the palm trees are decked out in lights?  Actually, I just looked at a calendar and realized I don’t have much time left to do my shopping.  Well actually, given that I put everything off till the last minute, it means I have plenty of time!

This isn’t a blog on Christmas gift ideas though.  I had considered shamelessly plugging items from the store.  However, I am going to offer up some words of advice instead.  If you are planning on giving an XXX rated toy as a gift, make sure you are ABSOLUTELY honest about the activities you are hoping to use it for.  If not, it can come back and bite you in the ass like it did our loyal customer, who for the telling of this tale we’ll change his name to Jim.

I was working on Christmas Eve last year when Jim came in about an hour before we were closing the store.  Jim and I had talked many times before, but he had never actually let on to what it was he was buying the toys for.  Well Jim was spending a lot of time looking at our glass collections.  He was looking at our custom and handmade glass dildos as well as the Icicles line that had recently come out.

Jim and I were looking at the artistically done hand blown dildos and continued to insist that, “this was for display purposes only.”  I asked him again, “Are you sure you don’t plan on using these as an actual dildo?  You can be honest with me.  And while I’m bringing it up, are you looking for an anal or vaginal dildo?”

Again Jim said, “No, no, no.  I just want to get her one that looks pretty and we can leave out on the coffee table.  It will NEVER be used.”

So after him narrowing down how much he wanted to pay, which wasn’t that much, I had an epiphany.  Let’s send him home with Icicles No 12!  For those who don’t know what it is, continue reading or click on the link.  It’s a wonderful and beautiful toy that looks almost nothing like a dildo.  It looks, and quite simply put is, a glass rose with it’s own stand!  How much better could it get for Jim?  It’s only identifiable as a sex toy to somebody who knows it or has a warped mind.  And if it’s the latter, they could see the sexual uses for a baseball bat, so they don’t count.

After showing good old No 12 to Jim, he eagerly purchased it.  Before I would sell it to him, I looked him strait in the eyes and said, “Jim, this is not like the others.  It is two pieces.  The rose is separate from the base.  I know you say you aren’t going to use it as a toy, if you change your mind, be really careful with it.  It’s only for vaginal use.”

Jim’s response?  ”No worries man.  I’m not EVER going to use it.  My chick doesn’t even like toys.”

After Jim left the store, I thought nothing else of it.  I was happy that my customer was happy.  The dildo really is a work of art and is going to serve it’s function well.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The store was closed on Christmas day.  When I opened the store on December 26th, Jim was waiting for me.  Here I was, in my naivete thinking Jim was coming in to buy something else.  Instead, he was waiting to get a refund for the “defective” toy we sold him.  Here, in all of it’s glory, is the saga of Jim’s Christmas 2010.

When Jim’s significant other opened up the package she became a bit amorous.  They proceeded to take the toy into the bedroom.  They were fooling around and he was using old No 12 on her like crazy.  When all of a sudden (according to Jim) she demanded he use it on her ass.  At this point in time I already knew what was going to happen.  Jim was going into detail about how she kept screaming for him to bang her with the dildo even harder.  Jim, being the attentive lover he is, was more than happy to oblige.  This is where all holy hell broke loose.  Jim and his girlfriend managed to snap the head of the rose right off in her ass!  Now that rose head is not very small.  And there is no way this is the first time she ever had anything up her ass if she was screaming for that oddly shaped and rather large thing to be entering and leaving her starfish faster and harder.

But wait!  There’s more.  So in astonishment (read trying not to laugh my ass off) asked Jim, “Did you take her to the hospital?”

“No, she wouldn’t go” he replied.

“Jesus Jim.  Next time you break glass off in a chicks ass, hit her over the head if you have to, and drag her ass to the hospital.”

Jim went on to explain that it took four hours to extract the glass rose bud from her sphincter.  The details we’ll leave out.  Suffice it to say it took a lot of booze, pot, lube, latex gloves, and fisting.  Luckily there was no permanent damage, or so we hope.  Since she never went in for checkup we’ll never actually know.

The moral of the Saga of Naughty Jim is this, there are some people you should never lie to.  Regardless of how embarrassed you are.  NEVER EVER LIE to your doctor, insurance agent, or your sex toy dealer.  Lying to any of these can have serious repercussions later on in life.  We aren’t going to lead you on, if we’re good, and we’ll lead you in the direction you need to go.

In Sexual Health • Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Faith vs. Belief

December 9, 2011 • The Doctor • 2 comments

While I was shamelessly prowling blogs looking for oportunities to plug the site and get some inspiration on what to write about next I came across the following entry http://ricardosjourney.wordpress.com/2011/12/09/sexual-immorality/.  I’m typically not somebody who mixes work and religion in any way shape or form.  However, this blog struck a cord in me.  So if you want my opinion on faith vs belief, continue reading.

Faith is defined as, “confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.”

Belief is defined as, “confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: a statement unworthy of belief.”

When you look at the definitions, they seem to be quite closely related, and they are.  However, look again.  Faith is something that can change.  Belief is rigid, even if false.  Now that you see that, which one would you say you have?  Faith or belief?  Most people I know that discuss their leanings all have a version of faith.  Believers are few and far between.  While I do think that it is the very nature of humans to have faith in things, beliefs are another story.  They are people who are grasping onto their faith, questioning it, then instead of facing the questions, rejecting them and digging in deep.  Personally I feel this is not healthy for the individual or society.

Believers by and large will only select certain aspects of their belief to quote and reject the rest.  How can this be?  If you believe that god gave man free will; and you believe that the bible is the direct word of God given to man; and you also believe that man is a flawed and corrupt creature from birth; then how can you truly believe that the bible made it through all of this time without experiencing corruption by man?  In the past I have spent countless hours trying to figure this out.  They scream from their pulpits that we sinners are corrupting the word of God.  Yet at the same time, they pick and choose which words to use to defend their argument and reject any that give credence to the opposition.  It’s not just religions that are using this tactic anymore either.  Climatologists can’t even agree on anything other than a changing climate.  And they reject the findings of others that don’t concur with their belief on what is happening.

In a nutshell what I am saying is this, faith is good.  It is a basic human need to have faith in something.  It can be uplifting.  It can be fulfilling.  When you cross that line into a blind belief system you block out everything else without regard to the evidence at hand.  This can be harmful to you.  It can be harmful to those who love you and care about you.  It can send wide ranging ripples affecting people you may not even know.  It is our very nature to question things.  If you can’t comfortably accept the answers to the questions and adjust your faith on the answers, perhaps you shouldn’t ask them and keep quiet.

The Doctor is out.

In Sexual Health • Tagged , ,

10 Reasons to Have Sex

December 8, 2011 • The Doctor • No comments

Today we’re going to talk about some great reasons to have sex.  Aside from the fact that it’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys, sex has many surprising health benefits.  Shocking I know, but true.  It’s one of the few things that’s actually fun to do/eat and good for you all rolled into one!  It may very well be the greatest evolutionary invention ever.  So sit back, relax, and read on to find out why you should be having sex for your health.

1.  Sex relieves stress.

This one is actually kind of a no brainer.  Who isn’t more relaxed after a sex session?  Seriously.  After sex is the only time I can fall asleep moments after I go to bed without the use of prescription pills or alcohol.

According to WebMD:

“A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journalBiological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations — such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic — and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.

Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.”

So there you have it.  Even long after the sex is over, your blood pressure and stress levels are lower.  Got a big speech in the morning?  The best remedy may very well be getting laid.  So get your partner, or in classic politician fashion, call up and escort and start giving some “dick”tation.

2.  Sex Boosts Immunity

I’m not talking about immunity from prosecution, you have to work out a deal with the government for that.  It actually helps your immune system.  Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.  So if you didn’t get your flu shot this year, fret not.  You can always increase the amount of sex your having and boost up your body’s ability to deal with infection.

3.  Sex Burns Calories

Everybody is becoming more mindful of our ever expanding waistlines.  And the gym can be boring.  But who doesn’t love sex?  Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.  While I’m not advocating replacing regular exercise with sex, you can add to your weight loss quicker by engaging in some long and hard sex sessions.  On a side note, I’m looking for a new exercise partner, any ladies want to volunteer?

4.  Sex Improves Heart Health

Per WebMD:

“While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that’s not so, according to researchers from England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.

And the heart health benefits of sex don’t end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.”

5.  Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

Ok, this one goes without saying.  We’ve all seen and done the strut after getting some action.  Actually, I’m kind of disappointed in scientists if they actually had to do tests to determine this.  Maybe somebody should test to make sure the sky is blue.  I volunteer to conduct the tests.  Now to get a $1,000,000 grant for my “research.”

6.  Sex Improves Intimacy

Again a no-brainer.  I’m telling you, we need to start applying for grants to research obvious things that everybody already knew.  Although, these studies did determine that it was the increase in oxytocin, a hormone that increases a feeling of love and bonding, that causes this feeling.  So maybe they did something after all.

7.  Sex Reduces Pain

This goes back to our old friend oxytocin.  As the levels increase we also increase production of endorphins.  These wonderful hormones decrease the pain we’re feeling.  So if you have arthritis, a muscle tension headache, or any other of mild pains (including PMS), then getting it on is actually good for you.  And yes ladies, sex during a headache or PMS is actually a good thing if you want the symptoms to fade.  If you want to keep being a hooker, then keep using them as an excuse.

8.  Sex Reduces Cancer Risk

Per WebMD:

“Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s, and 50s.

But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.

Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.”

So ladies, if you really love your man and want him to lead a long healthy and prostate cancer free life, you need to help him out with this one.  Encourage him to get his rocks off as often as he wants.  He’ll thank you for it in the long run.  I promise!

9.  Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles

That’s right ladies, sex has yet more benefits for you!  Your pelvic floor muscles are actually quite important later in life.  Not only do they help during child-birth, are responsible for the contractions during your orgasms, they also are responsible for keeping you from pissing yourself.  I’m not using any science in the following observation, but I find the number of “Depends” ads showing old women is a bit fitting.  We all know our grandparents were pretty uptight about sex.  They wouldn’t even allow married couples on TV to have the same bed.  So is it any wonder that they need so many adult diapers?  I think not.

On a side note, ladies if you don’t want this to happen to you, there are a number of exercises we’ll talk about later you can do.  You can also use Ben Wa balls, or if you want a bit more enjoyment during your Kegel workout, check out the Intensity by Jopen.

10.  Sex Helps You Sleep Better

Like I said earlier, sex relaxes you, so this one is kind of a given.  Again it’s our old friend oxytocin responsible for this.  Isn’t it a wonderful little hormone?

There you go ladies and gentlemen, 10 honest and true reasons to have sex for your own health.  If you don’t feel the need to live a healthier life by having more sex now, I don’t know what to tell you.  Sex is arguably the greatest thing ever.  If was a fish I would be so pissed watching whales hump.  I’m not kidding.  It wouldn’t be fair.

Have any questions for The Doctor?  Leave a comment or email me at thedoctor@sexywonders.com.

Till the next time.

The Doctor is out.

In Sexual Health • Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Q & A time with The Doctor

December 7, 2011 • The Doctor • No comments

I’ve been asked some interesting question this past week.  So I’ve decided to post the answers to some of the questions here.  Maybe they will help others, maybe nobody will read them.  Anyway, here are the questions and their answers:

Q: What is bondage?

A:  Bondage, in it’s most basic sense, is restraining somebody, or placing them in “bondage”.  In a sexual manner this consists of any number of fun and exciting activities.  All of which, I am sure you guessed by now, entail restraining somebody.  Typically in a bedroom sense the bound person is willing.  Well they should be anyway or you’re guilty of a crime and might end up becoming your cellmate’s new sex toy.  The tools of bondage are many and varied.  Tape, rope, handcuffs, spreaders, ankle cuffs, restraint bars, thumb cuffs, and under the bed restraints are just a few of the more popular items.  However, anything you have that can be used to restrain the person will work.  The idea is to restrain them then, depending on whether you want an S&M experience or a more tame experience, tease them or torture them.  In either way it is common courtesy to have a safe word in advance.  If the safe word is uttered, stop.  DO NOT CONTINUE WHAT YOU ARE DOING.  Aside from being rude, it’s actually a bit evil, it can make your partner not want to play with you.  In some cases it causes your partner to have you arrested.  So do you really want to register as a sex offender for the rest of your life?

Q:  What is the We-Vibe?

A:  The We-Vibe is a vibrator specifically designed to be used by couples during intercourse.  The smaller side is inserted into the vagina, it’s purpose is to vibrate for the guy while he is inside.  The large end, which contains the control button on all models (the We-Vibe 3 actually has a wireless remote as well), is designed to lay on the clitoris and vibrate for the woman.  In my humble opinion this is one of the greatest toys on the market.

Q:  What is role playing?

A:  In a nutshell, role playing is the practice of pretending to be another person for the act of romance/love making.  This can be quite a bit of fun.  Some basic ideas, adapt different personas and pick each other up at a bar.  There’s always the farmers daughter and the stable boy.  The idea is to be as creative as possible to make it more fun for both of you.  If you let go and let it take control it is almost like being and being with somebody else.  It’s fun.  It’s exciting.  All the cool kids are doing it.  If you want, you can even through in costumes.  And don’t be embarrassed, you’re doing it in the privacy of your own home, so nobody will know unless you want them to.

That’s it for this week.  Until we meet again.

The Doctor is out.

In Adventure • Tagged , , , , , ,

Phuk good

December 6, 2011 • Miss Wonderland • No comments

Phuk is sexual enhancement pill that keeps him going for hours with stimulation.You will defiantly want to try this one out. This one doesn’t have the side effects of the prescription pills but you still get the same effect.  It is an herbal blend of seven ingredients. If you get headaches from other enhancement pills you should try this one it has less ingredients which makes it less likely to cause headaches. You can take Phuk with alcohol but I don’t recommend Phuk or any other enhancement pill with any other illegal substances just for your safety.  My lover at the time took one about 45 mins before things took a toll for the best. Hard and horny there was no stopping him.

In Reviews • Tagged , , , , ,

Kim Kardashian, Superstar

December 2, 2011 • The Doctor • No comments

Ok, with this ridiculously hot yet annoying woman in the news again, it’s time to bust out with the KK sex tape again. First of all, in the spirit of integrity, I should mention that the soon to be divorced Ms. Kardashian annoys the holy ever loving shit out of me. However, I do not believe this effects my feelings on the video because Jessica Drake’s voice drives me up a wall. I have met her on multiple occasions, even attending seminars she has put on. What does this have to do with anything? Even with a voice that sends shivers down my spine like finger nails on a chalk board, I still find her to be one of the greatest and hottest actresses of her day and would follow her to hell and back if she asked. With that said, let’s begin.

Where to begin with the Kardashian film? First of all, if you’re expecting an action filled flick, this is not the one for you. Most of it is of them doing completely ordinary things. And I haven’t even gotten to the vanilla sex yet. Watching them interact with each other at the pool, in hotel rooms, and airports is arguably the most painful thing I have experienced since being kicked in the nuts by a really pissed off ex. Honestly, I think I might have preferred the boot to the nuts over this.

Now on to the sex. Well if you’re the type of guy who likes it when a woman just lays there while you do all the work and pound away, this is probably the film for you. I haven’t seen sex this sad since I peeked into a champagne room and saw a dancer riding away on an octogenarian who had obviously died from a massive coronary some time ago. Honestly, if she hasn’t learned some new tricks by now I can see why her marriage is ending. If I were her husband I wouldn’t have even let it get this far. She’s hot, but come on. At some point in time it doesn’t matter how hot you are. If the only positions you know are missionary and doggy, get the fuck out of my bed. There’s cab fare on the dresser and please don’t call. Ever.

In closing, if you like bland vanilla sex with hot chicks, get this DVD. If not, spend your money on something more productive like a couple lap dances or a masturbator. Both are a better value.

Till the next time.

The Doctor is out.

In DVD Reviews • Tagged , , , , , , ,

Beaver Time – a comprehensive guide for Boys

December 1, 2011 • Isobel Devi • No comments

Cant seem to hold a relationship past the first fling? Maybe its your bedside manners. Its time you got better aquinted with her beaver and its many quirks. But before you rip your shirt off and fetch your snorkle, lets lay out some ground rules.

First off, beavers are girls too. And girls, for the most part, are sweet and gentle and love to be pampered. So pamper her and then pamper her beaver. You dont have to spend 2 hours planting rose petals and lighting candles, but set the mood with some sweet nothings and a gentle touch. Teasing is a huge plus. If you can give her goose bumps before any of her clothes have come off, its definitely a green light. So dont beat around the bush too much more.

During foreplay, your main objective is to make her feel like shes the only person in the whole world. Dont objectify her too much by spending large ammounts of time on parts you find enjoyable she may not nessesarily. There will be lots of time for that later. Play with her boobies, pinch her nipples, tease her, say something dirty in her ear. You dont have to be a poet, just tell her what your penis thinks of her body, this is the only time it will work to your advantage.

Okay, now that youre both naked and shes somewhere between the consistancy of pudding and jello, its time to realy break out your aces. Do you know what they are? Your brain, your hands, your mouth and your penis, but were not using the penis now so get your hands off it. Understand the different sensations you can create by alternating between your wet toungue and your firm hands. Licking or sucking the nipples before you pinch them softens the sesation in the event she’s very sensitive.

Rubbing and all its glory.

Where can you rub? Where cant you rub for that matter. Once her boobies are buzzing with sesation you might want to make your way down. Try to not break skin contact when going from one place to another as it builds up anticipation. Girlies have many sweet spots down below. And if you didnt know, her belly button is quite sweet too. Dont believe me? Taste it for your self :D Paint stripes down her belly with your nails and gently dig the pads of your fingers on the sides of her mound. This is very important: There is a very sweet spot right where the hip becomes the crotch. You wanna do as many creative things as you can think of to it before you let her her have the satisfaction of actual oral sex.

Congratulations, youre standing face to face with the little girl in the boat. If youre a good kisser, youre in luck, because performing oral sex on a girl, or cunnilingus, is much like a very, very passionate kiss.

In Oral Sex • Tagged , , , , ,